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Something you should know (7 Februari 2025)

 

I know I’m not perfect, I never was but I swear I tried my best for you. You made me want to be better not because you ever told me I had to but because I just wanted you to be happy with me. I wanted to be someone you could be proud of someone who deserver the way you looked at me and maybe you don’t see it that way, maybe you think we both fell short that we both could have done things differently but for me you were perfect not in some unrealistic flawless way but in the way  you just were, the way you made me feel understood, the way you could make a moment feel like everything, the way you just existed in my world and made it brighter. I wasn’t trying to prove anything or reach com impossible standard. I just wanted us to work, wanted us to be something special and no matter how things turned out, ill always carry that with me, because when I think of you, I think of someone who made me want to give my all and that’s something I’ll never regret.

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aku masih disini,masih berdiri di tempat yang sama. aku tak benar benar pergi darimu,aku hanya menepi dan membiarkan mu bahagia dengan jalan yang kau pilih. aku selalu menjagamu dalam diam, melihatmu dari kejauhan dan merindukanmu dalam sepi. kembalilah jika kau mau tak usah terburu-buru. 13 Desember 2021
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Trying.

I'm trying to be happy. trying to live my life without you. but it’s difficult to do that when you’re all i can think about. you’re all i can think about when i see lovers living their lives for each other, because that’s everything i’ve ever wanted with you. and now, because of you… i know exactly what it’s like to want something i can’t have. i know what it’s like to miss someone i can’t see every day. i know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love me back. maybe, someday, i’ll finally be able to find another person to put in your place, but sometimes it all comes crashing down in my head, and the reality is just too hard for me to handle. because, i just want you. i want you on your bad days. i want your imperfections. i want your insecurities. and i want to be the person to love you and be there for you when everyone else turns away.
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Time heals? (2 Februari 2025)

  They say time heals but it doesn’t really does it? Its not healing, its just learning how to live with the weight of it. The memories don’t fade, the feelings don’t disappear you just figure it out how to carry them. At first it feels impossible, every song every place every quiet moment reminds you of her. Her laugh her touch, the way she looked at you like you were her whole world it all lingers like a ghost. You cant escape and people tell you, you’ll move on but they don’t tell you how. They don’t tell you that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean the love goes away. It just means you learn to live with the emptiness she left behind, because some people they leave a mark on your soul. No amount of time can erase it. You don’t stop loving her, you just learn how to keep going, even with the ache in your chest that whispers, it should have been her.
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