Jomb's Story. . .

  Somehow, I don’t wanna hear from you again but somehow, I still wait everyday for a message that never comes. Somehow, I don’t care about you anymore but somehow, I still miss the way it felt to talk to you. Somehow, I forget about you but somehow, you’re still always on my mind. Somehow, I’ve moved on but somehow a part of me is still stuck in the past. Somehow, I hate you for what happened but somehow, I still love you just the same. Somehow, but somehow, I need to start thinking about myself, because holding on to you isn’t bringing you back. Its only making me lose myself. And I can’t keep waiting for a moment that may never come. I have to let go, not because I want to but because I have to. Because I deserve to find peace. Because I deserve to be free from something that ended a long time ago. Somehow, I have to start choosing me.

  A friend asked me to write a story about the right person wrong time but truthfully, I don’t think the right person comes at the wrong time, I think they are just the wrong person, because if it was meant to be it simply would just be. I think we tell ourselves this is a way to cope. Its better to believe they were the right person than admit they aren’t mature enough to love you. The right person doesn’t leave because the distance, she doesn’t leave because she wants to grow. she doesn’t leave because you deserve better. The right person will see you deserve better and choose to be better, so I guess I cant. I cant write a story about the right person who comes at the wrong time because he doesn’t exist. But I guess I can write a story about the wrong person, the wrong person will teach you to love yourself everyday. The wrong person will show you that there is life after them. One filled with joy, laughter, tears, and pain. The wrong person will remind you to choose yourself ev...

  I know I’m not perfect, I never was but I swear I tried my best for you. You made me want to be better not because you ever told me I had to but because I just wanted you to be happy with me. I wanted to be someone you could be proud of someone who deserver the way you looked at me and maybe you don’t see it that way, maybe you think we both fell short that we both could have done things differently but for me you were perfect not in some unrealistic flawless way but in the way   you just were, the way you made me feel understood, the way you could make a moment feel like everything, the way you just existed in my world and made it brighter. I wasn’t trying to prove anything or reach com impossible standard. I just wanted us to work, wanted us to be something special and no matter how things turned out, ill always carry that with me, because when I think of you, I think of someone who made me want to give my all and that’s something I’ll never regret.

  Ever since we stopped being we, everything’s changed. I used to listen to music, hear quotes or read poetry and just enjoy them they were just words just melodies things I liked but never really felt, now I understand them in a way I never did before. The songs hit differently, the lyrics I used to sing a long to now feel like they’re singing about me. The quotes I used to scroll past they feel personal like they were written for exactly what I’m going through. And the Poetry its like every line pulls at something I didn’t even know I had inside me. It’s strange how you can go from hearing words to feeling them, from just enjoying something to realizing its your reality. Its not just poetry or music anymore its heartbreak longing memories, its everything I never thought I’d never understand and now I feel it all too much. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve loved and lost. You start to see the world through the eyes of every writer, every singer, every person who’s ever felt ...

When I think about you now, I’m not sad anymore at least not the way I used to be. Its different its more like a quiet nostalgia, a sense of warmth mix with a little sting. I don’t feel the weight of missing you the way I once did. I used to replay everything in my head, wishing things had turned out differently, but now its just memories. And while they’re bittersweet they’re also good. I don’t regret them I don’t regret us, it strange isn’t it. How someone can have such an impact on your life and yet you can reach a point where thinking about them doesn’t hurt anymore. Its like I’ve accepted that things are what they are and I’m okay with it, I’m note holding on to what we could have been but I’m also not angry about what we aren’t. so, no I’m not sad, I just think about you sometimes, smile a little and move on with my day because in the end I learned from us and I’m grateful for those moments even if they’re in the past now.

And we’re strangers again but this time with memories.   Memories of laughter, memories of late-night talks, of moments that felt like they’d last forever, it strange, isn’t it? To look at someone who once meant everything and realize they’re just someone you used to know. I still replay the good times in my head, the way you smile could light up the room, the way you made me feel safe, like I’d finally found my place in the world. For a while it felt like nothing could touch us like we always have each other but here we are no texts no calls no how have you been just silence and it hurts. Cause a part of me will always wonder, what if we had tried a little harder, held on a little longer maybe then we wouldn’t have ended up here. Now we’re strangers but every once in a while, I catch myself hoping you still think about me too.

  Sometimes I hope I see you again on a random day in a random place like fate decided to cross our paths one more time. I imagine what it feel like seeing your face, hearing your voice, feeling that rush of everything we used to be, but at the same time I’m scared, scared of how you’d react, would you smile? Would you stop to talk or would you look right past me like I’m just another stranger. The thought of that hurts more than I wanna admit. I don’t even know what I’d say, there’s so much I wanna tell you but the words feel heavy to speak and what if seeing you only makes me realize how much I still miss you. How much I never stopped hoping for something that’s already gone. So I don’t know maybe I hope I see you maybe I hope I don’t. all I know is that the thought of you still makes my heart ache. I don’t know if I’m ready for what would happened if our paths crossed again.

  They say time heals but it doesn’t really does it? Its not healing, its just learning how to live with the weight of it. The memories don’t fade, the feelings don’t disappear you just figure it out how to carry them. At first it feels impossible, every song every place every quiet moment reminds you of her. Her laugh her touch, the way she looked at you like you were her whole world it all lingers like a ghost. You cant escape and people tell you, you’ll move on but they don’t tell you how. They don’t tell you that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean the love goes away. It just means you learn to live with the emptiness she left behind, because some people they leave a mark on your soul. No amount of time can erase it. You don’t stop loving her, you just learn how to keep going, even with the ache in your chest that whispers, it should have been her.