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some days, i feel like i’m completely fine after you left me

some days, i feel like i’m completely fine after you left me.

i can listen to songs without the lyrics taunting me with the memories of me and you. i can let out a true deep laugh that comes from the bottom of my stomach, now that the butterflies that used to live there is all gone. i can fall into a nice 8 hours sleep, not waking up randomly in the middle of the night. i can read a hundred mellow and sad poetries yet not feeling blue at all. i can smile wide, reaching both of my eyes, and not a thought of you crossing my mind.

some days, i feel nothing, it’s so much worst than you think.

a song comes from the radio and all the lyrics pricking my skin until it bleeds, laughing at me with all the what-if and maybe. when i try to laugh, it feels like something choking my pale neck and my stomach’s full with dead, wingless butterflies. i can’t sleep, always waking up before sunrise and wondering where did it all go wrong. sad poetries mocking me because i’m a huge fool and drowning in a sea of blue. and no matter how hard i try to smile, it won’t reach both of my eyes. it tastes like bitter acceptance.

some days, i feel like i’m completely fine after you left me.

some days, i feel nothing, it’s so much worst than you think.

most days, i feel like a fool, because until now, i’m still in love with you.

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aku masih disini,masih berdiri di tempat yang sama. aku tak benar benar pergi darimu,aku hanya menepi dan membiarkan mu bahagia dengan jalan yang kau pilih. aku selalu menjagamu dalam diam, melihatmu dari kejauhan dan merindukanmu dalam sepi. kembalilah jika kau mau tak usah terburu-buru. 13 Desember 2021
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