some days, i feel like i’m completely fine after you left me

some days, i feel like i’m completely fine after you left me.

i can listen to songs without the lyrics taunting me with the memories of me and you. i can let out a true deep laugh that comes from the bottom of my stomach, now that the butterflies that used to live there is all gone. i can fall into a nice 8 hours sleep, not waking up randomly in the middle of the night. i can read a hundred mellow and sad poetries yet not feeling blue at all. i can smile wide, reaching both of my eyes, and not a thought of you crossing my mind.

some days, i feel nothing, it’s so much worst than you think.

a song comes from the radio and all the lyrics pricking my skin until it bleeds, laughing at me with all the what-if and maybe. when i try to laugh, it feels like something choking my pale neck and my stomach’s full with dead, wingless butterflies. i can’t sleep, always waking up before sunrise and wondering where did it all go wrong. sad poetries mocking me because i’m a huge fool and drowning in a sea of blue. and no matter how hard i try to smile, it won’t reach both of my eyes. it tastes like bitter acceptance.

some days, i feel like i’m completely fine after you left me.

some days, i feel nothing, it’s so much worst than you think.

most days, i feel like a fool, because until now, i’m still in love with you.

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