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Victim of the end

I always wonder when we will end.

I know that we are barely starting. It's not long before our promise to walk together from now on, to lean on each other's shoulder, and to write life pages together with the living poem of our own.

But, I can't help it.

I am a firm believer of the statement "everything that has a beginning also has an end". Even before starting, I fear too much for the haunting images of the future. What is the point of keeping something that will eventually end?

Why should I surrender myself to you? Because someday, I know we will reach our expiration date. When it happens, there will be no such thing called turning back.

When it happens, there will be no such thing called "us". I will be alone, crumbling under the remains of my broken heart. Every shard of it will pierce me wider and deeper. Every second passing will kiss me with the unforgotten taste of the past. The past when you were beside me.

The end will always remind me of losing you, even when you have not been mine. Because I know, when I lose you, there will be nothing left in me but tears and half-torn heart. I will be wrecked until I dread the future that does not have you clasping your fingers with me.

Yet, I am still trying to save us. I am trying to save our future together from the wrath of the end, even when I know we will fail eventually.

There is no option left except giving up, except waiting for the time when we will be torn apart. I am going to count how much time left for us. So that I can realize how much longer this heaven is going to be there for me. So that I can prepare myself for the days without you that are coming.

Because, everything that has a beginning also has an end. It spares nothing and no one. We are no exception.

We are barely beginning to love, and I hope we won't end too soon.

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aku masih disini,masih berdiri di tempat yang sama. aku tak benar benar pergi darimu,aku hanya menepi dan membiarkan mu bahagia dengan jalan yang kau pilih. aku selalu menjagamu dalam diam, melihatmu dari kejauhan dan merindukanmu dalam sepi. kembalilah jika kau mau tak usah terburu-buru. 13 Desember 2021
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