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Shattering words.

Yesterday, I was sitting in my favorite round table with some friends. They saw you walked by in front of me. You didn't say hi or hello, and neither did I. But everyone who were there, knew, that I was staring at you. Hoping that you would say something, or just smile.

But I should've not hope too much. But it didn't hurt me either, my heart was absolutely fine. I was surprised by the way I felt, on that day. Until a friend of mine started to ask

"Dude, are you okay? forget about her. She looks so fine without you."

Hearing that, I immediately smiled. I stared at her for one minute. I could see it on her face, she looks fretted.

"I've loved so many people in the past, I gave them all I had. Yet they decided to leave. It was terrible at first. And I should've learn that destiny will always break me. But I couldn't feel anything now. Maybe it's because I gave them so much love that I have nothing now. No feelings, just emptiness. And I am absolutely fine, at least for now."

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aku masih disini,masih berdiri di tempat yang sama. aku tak benar benar pergi darimu,aku hanya menepi dan membiarkan mu bahagia dengan jalan yang kau pilih. aku selalu menjagamu dalam diam, melihatmu dari kejauhan dan merindukanmu dalam sepi. kembalilah jika kau mau tak usah terburu-buru. 13 Desember 2021
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I'm trying to be happy. trying to live my life without you. but it’s difficult to do that when you’re all i can think about. you’re all i can think about when i see lovers living their lives for each other, because that’s everything i’ve ever wanted with you. and now, because of you… i know exactly what it’s like to want something i can’t have. i know what it’s like to miss someone i can’t see every day. i know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love me back. maybe, someday, i’ll finally be able to find another person to put in your place, but sometimes it all comes crashing down in my head, and the reality is just too hard for me to handle. because, i just want you. i want you on your bad days. i want your imperfections. i want your insecurities. and i want to be the person to love you and be there for you when everyone else turns away.
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Time heals? (2 Februari 2025)

  They say time heals but it doesn’t really does it? Its not healing, its just learning how to live with the weight of it. The memories don’t fade, the feelings don’t disappear you just figure it out how to carry them. At first it feels impossible, every song every place every quiet moment reminds you of her. Her laugh her touch, the way she looked at you like you were her whole world it all lingers like a ghost. You cant escape and people tell you, you’ll move on but they don’t tell you how. They don’t tell you that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean the love goes away. It just means you learn to live with the emptiness she left behind, because some people they leave a mark on your soul. No amount of time can erase it. You don’t stop loving her, you just learn how to keep going, even with the ache in your chest that whispers, it should have been her.
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