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The One I never Dated (1 Februari 2025)

 You know I still think about you, about how we never really happened but it felt like we should have. You and me we were never anything but somehow it feels like we left something unfinished like there was more to our story but we just never got there. I wonder if you ever feel that too or if it’s just me stuck in my own head, there are days I wanna tell you to ask you if you ever thought about what it could have been like if we had given it shot. But then I stopped myself because what’s the point it’s in the past and maybe it’s better left that way. I can’t help but replay it all in my mind, the way we clicked, the way it felt so easy being around you and sometimes I wonder, Did I miss my chance? Did we miss our chance? Or it just never meant to be. I don’t know why you still cross my mind after all this time but you do, maybe it doesn’t make sense but part of me will always wonder what we could have been if things had gone differently. If I had said something or if you had or if life had just given us a little more time.

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aku masih disini,masih berdiri di tempat yang sama. aku tak benar benar pergi darimu,aku hanya menepi dan membiarkan mu bahagia dengan jalan yang kau pilih. aku selalu menjagamu dalam diam, melihatmu dari kejauhan dan merindukanmu dalam sepi. kembalilah jika kau mau tak usah terburu-buru. 13 Desember 2021

Trying.

I'm trying to be happy. trying to live my life without you. but it’s difficult to do that when you’re all i can think about. you’re all i can think about when i see lovers living their lives for each other, because that’s everything i’ve ever wanted with you. and now, because of you… i know exactly what it’s like to want something i can’t have. i know what it’s like to miss someone i can’t see every day. i know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love me back. maybe, someday, i’ll finally be able to find another person to put in your place, but sometimes it all comes crashing down in my head, and the reality is just too hard for me to handle. because, i just want you. i want you on your bad days. i want your imperfections. i want your insecurities. and i want to be the person to love you and be there for you when everyone else turns away.

Time heals? (2 Februari 2025)

  They say time heals but it doesn’t really does it? Its not healing, its just learning how to live with the weight of it. The memories don’t fade, the feelings don’t disappear you just figure it out how to carry them. At first it feels impossible, every song every place every quiet moment reminds you of her. Her laugh her touch, the way she looked at you like you were her whole world it all lingers like a ghost. You cant escape and people tell you, you’ll move on but they don’t tell you how. They don’t tell you that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean the love goes away. It just means you learn to live with the emptiness she left behind, because some people they leave a mark on your soul. No amount of time can erase it. You don’t stop loving her, you just learn how to keep going, even with the ache in your chest that whispers, it should have been her.